I have always considered myself to be a positive and resilient person. The first lock down I busied myself gardening, running, cooking and 'clapping the hero's' with a sort of wartime determination and an unshakeable belief that we all had a clear enemy that together we would defeat.
Both my husband and I have (at least for now) kept our jobs and having returned to work (from home) in October after a year of Maternity Leave, I felt grateful to have more family time without the daily commute.
I know how lucky we are to have our beautiful healthy happy little one year boy, countryside around us to explore even on rainy days, a warm home and food in the fridge. Yet since the beginning of the latest lockdown (I forget the number!)
I vacillate between anger and frustration at the changing policies of Government (I now understand why they say anger is a lifeboat emotion) and a feeling of despair.
Besides missing my friends and family and all other physical connections with other human beings, I can't seem to envisage the end; our Covid Victory Day!
I no longer have the power or freedom to plan my own life. And so in spite of endless daily distractions from card making, to cupboard cleaning to learning the guitar, I don't think I have ever felt so hopeless and I feel ungrateful for admitting it.
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